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In My Ass (2011)
In My Ass 2011 was the first installment of the annual In My Ass event, held on May 20, 2011. The show was highlighted by such matches as Bret Hart defending his World Heavyweight Championship against Money in the Bank winner Tajiri with Walter P. Wiley as the guest referee, J-Pac putting his WWE Title on the line against Disco Drew, and Perfect Ben squaring off against his former mentor Ric Flair in a Hair vs. Career Ultimate Submission match. __TOC__ Background Bret Hart foiled WPW leader Walter P. Wiley's plans at Diaz's Fuck Fest VII following multiple Sharpshooters to retain the World Heavyweight title. Also at the event, Tajiri won a Money in the Bank Ladder match, earning him a title shot of his choosing for whenever he wanted. Tajiri chose to cash in his opportunity on Hart upon hearing that Walter would be referring the title match at In My Ass rather than competing in it. The odds are definitely not on Bret's side as he takes on the wily Japanese superstar with the wily Wiley donning the black and white stripes. At the inaugural In My Ass event, The Disco King will take on WWE Champion J-Pac in a rematch from Diaz's Fuck Fest VII, excluding Dynamite Derek, however. Disco defeated Dynamite to earn this opportunity at a rematch for the title. Dynamite Derek has not been seen since and some sources have claimed that he is considering retirement. Nevertheless, Drew will get his shot at J-Pac and the title one more time at In My Ass. At Diaz's Fuck Fest VII, Perfect Ben aided Dynamite Derek in landing himself in the main event of the evening. By doing so, he thwarted the plans of his former mentor Ric Flair. At In My Ass, Flair and Perfect will square off for the first time ever. Ben has stated that he is on a crusade to eliminate everything that isn't perfect, which, based on his criteria, includes Flair. Upon prancing around the ring, throwing his jacket to the ground, and elbow dropping it, Flair responded by saying that he wants to shave Ben's ridiculous mullet clean off. Thus, the match has been made. Hair vs. Career. Ultimate Submission match. Perfect Ben vs. "Nature Boy" Ric Flair. In My Ass! DCR lost his Hardcore Championship at Diaz's Fuck Fest to DEFAULT, the nephew of the man he blames for his title loss, Winslow J. Wiley. DCR and JBL alike are looking to get even and pumble Winslow for what he did. With that, Winslow J. Wiley will defend his United States Championship in a fitting battle against the greedy, corporate hands of DCR. Ricardo Diaz shocked the world once again at his Fuck Fest, revealing Wilson Fisk as his tag team partner. The two even more shockingly won the championship, defeating year-long champions MudeRape. In their first defense, they will face off against two teams in a Triple Threat Ladder match. The World's Greatest Tag Team and the team who won a Random Tag Team Tournament to earn their shot (defeating Kurt Angle and "Dr. Death" Steve Williams), Diaz's Fuck Fest VII opponents, Randy Savage and Chris Jericho. Fan favorite DEFAULT managed to recapture the Hardcore title at Diaz's Fuck Fest VII against DCR. Scott Hall, enraged and drunk, complained about this due to the fact that he lost his match at The Fest against The Undertaker. This led to Scott Hall challenging DEFAULT for his Hardcore Championship in the first-ever First Blood Alcohol Content match taking place at In My Ass. Displeased with their performance at Diaz's Fuck Fest VII against Three Hogans, One Cup, Walter P. Wiley demanded that his WPW allies battle it out at In My Ass. The loser will be forced to leave WPW and join the Walter P. Wiley Kiss My Ass Club. After Stone Cold cost Muhammad Hassan the United States Championship at Diaz's Fuck Fest, Hassan, and his associate Daivari, have been seeking revenge. Stone Cold accepted their challenges, but said that they will be having an Ass Kicking match. We have yet to find out what an Ass Kicking match's stipulations actually consist of, but we just might have to wait and find out at In My Ass. When Coach D noticed John Cena was not wearing regulation uniform, he ordered John to get dressed. Cena told Coach D that he was dressed, but this only angered D, who took this as a sign of defiance. Since this event took place, Coach D has vowed to exterminate John Cena. In his crusade, he has reformed the stable known as The D-Machine, reuniting with Mark Jindrak and recruiting "Dr. Death" Steve Williams to the pack as well. The three will take on Cena in a 3-on-2 Handicap Tag match in which The D-Machine was allowed to choose Cena's partner. They chose Eugene. Results When it seems as though Winslow had it won, JBL guillotined the good doctor on the top rope, leading to a devastating Spankymcdoodle Slam that won DCR U.S. gold, the biggest win of his career. In a victory limo ride, JBL and DCR hogtied Orlando Jordan, Winslow's bisexual sidekick, to the back. Orlando was then carried into the hospital by Winslow J. Wiley. The SvR06 Commission would proudly like to announce the new commissioner, Commissioner Slaughter! As his first act, he has brought two former World champions out of the shadows to square off in tonight's bonus match. Rey Mysterio and Tiger! During the bonus match, Rey was overshadowing his opponent, Tiger, when suddenly the lights went out. When they returned, Dynamite Derek, dawning an all black attire, entered the ring and pulled Rey Mysterio from it. He proceeded to beat down Rey, leading to a countout victory for Tiger. As soon as the bell rang, it became pretty apparent who wouldn't be in WPW by the end of the match. The effeminate duo of Goldust and Count Out turned their attention to Al Snow, as well as the referee. In a matter of minutes, Al Snow's time with WPW came to an end, his dreams shattered. And Goldust kneed him in the nads too. A drunken Scott Hall managed to stagger his way to compete in the first-ever First Blood Alcohol Content match and win the Hardcore Championship by bloodying DEFAULT after hitting him with a heavy, dangerous, sharp, leathery, old, smelly, piss-stained, fruity, delicious, DELICIOUS, FRUITY, BY GOD, Hardcore title belt. Turns out an Ass Kicking match is exactly what it sounds like. Stone Cold proceeded to beat the holy hell out of Hassan and Daivari, as well as paraded around the ring wearing Hassan's turban. After the match, Austin had the duo deported. Leave the memories alone... After months of fighting hard, the Disco King finally won the WWE Championship from his adversary J-Pac. While J-Pac was setting up Sweet J Music, Drew countered, spun him around and delivered the J-Factor to him to win the title. The New D-Machine was victorious, despite Coach D almost not making it in time for the match after he had a cab called for him prior to the show. After the match, it was revealed that John Cena had put Eugene up to calling in for a taxi cab for Coach D. In their first defense as champions, Kingpin and Ricardo Diaz overcame two teams in a Ladder match. While Diaz retrieved the titles, Macho Man climbed an invisible ladder, only to fall straight down like Wile E. Coyote. Money in the Bank winner Tajiri managed to win the World Heavyweight Championship due to the crooked officiating of the Crooked-Dicked Cretin, Walter P. Wiley (seriously, it's like a 90 degree angle). Shortly after the main event, Walter P. Wiley rang the bell and made Tajiri lay down for him. He then proceeded to pin Tajiri and win the World Heavyweight belt from the new champion.